Edd’s MANtra: Please Hammer…Don’t Hurt Yourself

Last week I proclaimed that black men were having the worst week ever. There was one exception.

Jay-Z landed the cover of Forbes. Check him out hobnobbing with Warren Buffett of all people.

Although it was good for him, it was likely bad for us because we will NEVER hear the end of this magazine cover. Rich guys bragging about their riches tend to annoy us broke average joes.

And speaking of broke, you’ll never guess who has resurfaced to take aim at rap’s richest man:

Uh oh! Uh oh! Uh oh! Uh oh! Uh oh!

Seems like the Hammerman wasn’t too happy about verses Jay (sorta) directed toward him on Kanye West’s new song “So Appalled”:

“Show me where the boats is / Ferrari Testarosas / And Hammer went broke / So you know I’m more focused / I lost 30 mil so I spent another 30 / ‘Cause unlike Hammer 30 million can’t hurt me.”

He may be a walking punchline now, but there was a time when M.C. Hammer was more popular than Jay-Z ever will be. The dude had his own cartoon, for goodness sakes – and don’t front like you didn’t watch it. But then he blew all his money on interior decorators and helicopters (seriously!) and wound up $13 million in the hole. He then found Christ, as most celebrities tend to do when they’re forced to move back in with their parents, and last I heard, became a pastor.

Check out these un-Christlike twitter messages directed to Jay, courtesy of sohh.com:

“KING HAMMER:You wanted my attention #HellBoy (Jigga) ..you got it

“Laughing at these grown men coming on my timeline with they #pompoms waving for #HellBoy (Jigga) ..”

“@kanyewest jay-hoe aka #HellBoy Tell Jay Oct 31 (Devils Nite) We’ll see if this record and video”Hurt’s Him” .. #IamHammer”

Well, at least this pastor didn’t tweet pics of himself in muscle shirts.

Ha, look at Hammer trying to suck up to the juvenile Internet crowd by alluding that Jay is part of those devil-worshipping Illuminatiz. But who is gonna side with Hammer in this “beef?” Getting all emotional over a throwaway line in a rap song is not grounds for a war, especially when the offended party’s career ended before most of today’s rap fans were born. And it’s not like Hammer has a great track record of winning rap beefs – the dude couldn’t even shut up Vanilla Ice back in the day! Oct. 31 is scary enough without Hammer threating to release a sure-to-be-atrocious diss song.

Funny how Hammer had no problem with both Drake and Rick Ross mentioning him recently. I’m sure he thinks that if he can put down rap’s top dog, he’ll be back on top again. Uh huh.

Poor Hammer, if he hadn’t wasted all his money on helicopters maybe it would be him standing next to Warren Buffett; instead he’s standing next to a random guy in the library as he waits to use a computer to update his Twitter account. The battle was over before it began.

There is one good thing that has come from this – I have a new idea for a Halloween costume!

Who would want to touch that?



  1. You know Hammer 2 Legit 2 Quit!!

  2. While Jigga’s verse was more biting, I thought Drake’s verse in “The Resistance” was way funnier.

    “Did I just trade free time for camera time?/
    Will I blow all of this money baby, Hammer Time?”

  3. ROFLMAO…Edd you are crazy. Please do not wear that for Halloween or I will never stop talking about you! 🙂

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