Will I wear a fanny pack? Listen to a Domino album? Watch an episode of Step By Step?
No; definitely no; and, uh, maybe.
I’m talking about dressing up for Halloween. Once we got too old to run around the neighborhood begging for candy, many of us transitioned into throwing Halloween parties – where grown folks can still wear masks and run up on people in the middle of the night.
Of course, where I grew up, that stuff happened every night, not just Oct. 31.
But I’ve never been a big fan of those parties. Mainly because I almost always worked nights and couldn’t attend them but also because I’m a stick-in-the-mud and could never think of a cool outfit.
This year, however, I’m organizing a Hallelujah Night party/lock-in at my new church. It’s an alternative to the usual Halloween fare – there will be kids and candy, just minus the ghosts and ghouls. And about a week ago I decided that this year I wouldn’t be a grump and dress up.
But dress as what?
I looked around online and was shocked at how intricate costumes have become. My fellow 80s babies remember our old costumes. If you wanted to be He-Man for Halloween, you went to the drug store for your “costume”:
– An incredibly hard plastic mask with a rice-sized slit for “breathing” and a rubber band stretched across the back. That rubber band nearly cut into your skull.
– A plastic smock with He-Man and Skeletor fighting on the front. I never saw He-Man wear a smock on the show.
Of course, my mom thought I’d die in the horribly frigid 55 degree fall weather, so she made me wear a coat OVER my costume and a hat. So instead of being the Most Powerful Man In the Universe I looked like ceramic-faced Dennis the Menace.
These new costumes are much better. My favorite of the ones I’ve found so far – animated 80s troublemaker Cobra Commander!
No, no, no, not his Klansman look.
I’m talking about the fish-bowl-faced one.
Problem is, the kids aren’t allowed to have scary costumes at the event we’re throwing. And while goofy Cobra Commander isn’t scary at all, dressing like a cartoon terrorist might be pushing it.
So I need some help from y’all. I want something fun, yet original. Here are a few ideas I had:
Online sensation and Georgia Mae whipping boy Antoine Dodson. All I would need is a pair of the wifey’s jeans and one of her head scarfs.
Breakfast entrepreneur Count Chocula. We have the same complexion and he’s a sharp dresser. But is he too scary? Cavities can be scary, I guess.
Flavor Flav, embarrassment to my entire race. Nah, what am I thinking – he’s way too scary.
Any other ideas? I’ll gladly consider them. But if any of y’all suggest Chris Rock I’m gonna put on my old He-Man mask and hunt you down.