This was a pretty busy weekend, as the wife and I packed up everything we owned and moved to a new apartment. With aching muscles after lugging our lives up flights of stairs, fighting with dim-witted customer service people to get our utilities working, and with countless boxes littering Georgia Mae’s new headquarters I still took time out to watch the 2010 BET Awards.
So while y’all watched True Blood, I was subjected to this treat. Y’all owe me.
1. Kanye West returned to open the show with “Power” – but if he was gonna steal R Kelly’s album cover for his performance, why didn’t he wear the silk pajamas too?
2. Did Jada Pinkett leave her pants at home?
3. Who do you think Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz’s child will look like? If she looks like her dad, she could have a movie career ahead of her:
4. Conversation at the new Georgia Mae headquarters:
Me: What was that poetry movie Nia Long was in?
Wifey: Love Jones. You should have your “black” card revoked for not knowing that.
Me: Playa, please. Maybe my “black woman” card…
5. It seemed like every minute artists like Drake and Nicki Minaj were shouting out Lil Wayne for their career success. When did Wayne become Quincy Jones? Nicki, by the way, continues to annoy me, with her Wilma Flintstone wedding dress outfit and horrible lip-syncing.
6. Why didn’t that Gabby girl win an award? Her rendition of “Fallen” was WAY better than 90 percent of the work of the night’s winners.
7. Where was the girl from Paramore during B.o.B.’s “Airplanes?” I guess even she had better things to do than show up on BET. Keyshia Cole was a vastly inferior replacement.
8. And when will people realize that B.o.B. would be nothing without the people singing his hooks? He’s always outshined by his guest stars.
9. Conversation at the new Georgia Mae headquarters:
Me: How much you wanna bet that they drag out the lady who sang “Silly” during Monica’s performance?
Wifey: There she is!
Me: Wish I could predict lottery numbers that accurately.
10. Did I hear the crowd booing Jermaine Jackson? Maybe they were just booing his haircut.
11. So the big Michael Jackson tribute surprise was Chris Brown? I thought it would be MJ’s kids performing “Scream.” Seriously.
12. And speaking of Chris Breezy, now that he cried and blubbered through his performance of “Man In The Mirror,” will you buy his CDs again?
13. Good lord, how old is Trey Songz momma? I thought that overactive ghetto girl beside him all night was his date!
14. El Debarge! That saves me from doing a “Whatever Happened to…” on him. And he looks as sleazy as ever – would you buy a used car from that guy?
15. Conversation at the new Georgia Mae headquarters:
Wifey: Hey, there’s Tank!
Me: Is he selling programs or cotton candy? Cuz you know he wasn’t invited.
16. Why wasn’t Jaheim involved in the Teddy Pendergrass tribute? He IS Teddy P reincarnated!
17. Is John Legend running for office? His humanitarian speech sounded like something from Obama’s playbook.
18. Did Ciara really think that wearing a red Starburst wrapper for a dress would be a good idea?
19. Prince looked pretty annoyed with Trey Songz’ “Purple Rain” tribute, and I can’t blame him. Especially since my girl Patti LaBelle tore it up. But wasn’t it a shame that Prince couldn’t be bothered to perform? At least he got to show of his classy airbrushed T-shirt.
20. Did the show really end with Big Tigger driving Queen Latifah away on a golf cart? From TV personality to valet – oh, how the mighty have fallen. If you consider hosting “Rap City” mighty.