Edd’s MANtra: 1981 Was A Good Year

Know what today is?


Besides being Tuesday?

It’s the 29th year my lovely wife and GeorgiaMae’s fearless leader has graced the Earth with her presence. She’s just one year away from the big Three-Oh. She’d better savor this year, cuz it’s all downhill from there.

At least that’s what my bitter 30-something friends tell me.

 

As we celebrate Javacia’s big day, let’s look at a few of our favorite celebrities who will be – or have just recently – turning 29 this year.

 

 


Paris Hilton (February 17) and Nicole Richie (September 21)

 

Here at GeorgiaMae, we like to uplift all women and highlight their accomplishments, but I don’t think I’ll get too much flak for calling these two the most useless women on Earth. Blame these two for the current trend of “celebrities famous for doing nothing.” Unless you consider sex tapes and reality shows credible work. On the plus side, that helped Kim Kardashian become a megastar, so maybe I should thank them after all.

See, I’m all about uplifting women.



Megan Hauserman (November 5)

And speaking of useless reality show stars, don’t front like you don’t know Megan. If you watch VH1, you’ve seen Megan embarrassing herself on Rock of Love, Charm School, I Love Money, and her own short-lived show, Megan Wants a Millionaire, which was canceled when one of the contestants was accused of murder. The guy later killed himself. VH1 REALLY needs to do a better job of screening their contestants.




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Hayden Christensen (April 19) and Natalie Portman (June 9)

 

Ah, yes, the Star Wars franchise killers. Despite what you’ve read above, there were actual legitimate actors born in 1981. Well, at least Natalie is legitimate. Christensen has the dubious honor of being the ONLY man on Earth capable of making Darth Vader lame.



Justin Timberlake (January 31)

 

In Javacia’s perfect world she would be Javacia Timberlake. Better yet…







 

 

Craig David (May 5)

 

Apparently back in the day, our favorite Webmistress was IN LOVE with this dude. How could you not be? Chillllllle, he look so sensitive! And, look, he got that good hair!

It’s a shame he hasn’t written a good check since 2000. But I ain’t hatin, if she can have him, I’ll take…








Christina Milian (September 26)

 

Truly one of the most talented women in the world. How did she not get an Academy Award for her stirring role in 2003’s “Love Don’t Cost A Thing?” Charlize Theron’s victory for “Monster” should be overturned.

 

After reviewing this list of underachievers, I can safely say that Javacia is the greatest person ever to be born in the year 1981. Happy birthday!
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4 Comments

  1. Yes it was!!! Edd, you did a great job on this one! Happy Birthday Javacia! You are the greatest author, dearest friend, and the only person still to this day that can get eyeliner on me without me dying from laughter on the floor!

  2. I loved this post! It was great! I can’t wait to see what you do next year for her entrance in to the world of the Dirty Thirties! (By the way, the thirties ROCK!) Have a great birthday Jai!

  3. This post is hilarious! Thank you all for making this birthday such a great one.

  4. Edd you forgot my pic! I will be 29 this year and yes I am a SUPASTARA!

    Craig David is the truth! Let me listen to him right ni

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