Edd’s MANtra: Ghostface Killah, Motivational Speaker
There comes a time when we all have to grow up.
Sure, I’d rather be sitting in the living room floor, surrounded by Transformers while watching Darkwing Duck, but let’s be real – those long hours at the office keep the lights turned on. Besides, it’s hard to transform a robot in the dark. And you wouldn’t believe how expensive those little things are.
I’m just playing. I haven’t watched Darkwing Duck in years.
Anyway, it seems that Wu-Tang Clan’s Ghostface Killah has realized that it’s time to be a man. I read on sohh.com the other day that his newest project will be an “R&B album.”
Now before you vomit all over your keyboard, from what I gather, this album will feature tracks along the lines of Method Man and Mary J. Blige’s classic “All I Need,” not the hot garbage that was Kanye’s last album. The last thing we need is more auto-tune.
According to Ghostface, this change in creative direction comes along with maturity. Take heed to these wise words:
You gotta tell the fans that you not gettin’ no younger here, we gettin’ older! And everybody don’t sell crack no more, man. I don’t sell crack, yo.
Wow, a rapper that admits that he doesn’t sell crack anymore! Anybody have Young Jeezy’s phone number? He should hear this.
I ain’t movin’ no bricks or none of that other s***. I ain’t shoot nobody in like since the early 90’s, man.
You can rest easy tonight knowing that Ghostface hasn’t busted a cap in about 10 years.
…And the fans gotta stop bein’ so dumb and ignorant, and know it’s time to talk about grown-man situations. S*** that happen in the real life, inside your household, your love life, your personal life, that’s just like, ‘Damn, it’s hard for a n**** to get some money!’
See, fans, it’s all your fault! Stop being ignorant and maybe cretins like OJ Da Juiceman will stop assaulting my radio. Why do y’all like that fool? He sounds like a poodle.
Plus, did you notice how Ghost just summed up the entire economic downturn in one sentence? If McCain kept it that real during the election he might have turned things around. He would have had my vote.
It might be so hard to get some money that your girl might wanna leave you someday because you ain’t get no money like you like you used to be getting’ money! Those are real situations, so I think it should start goin’ back to songs that mean s***. All that other s*** outside is just gonna keep us dumb, deaf and blind, yo, and we ain’t never gonna get nowhere.”
Uh oh, I think I just deduced Ghost’s change in attitude. Don’t let me find out Mrs. Killah is trying to leave my boy because those Ironman royalties have dried up. I guess that’ll make any man retire from thuggin’.
There you go. Wise words from a wise man. Hip hop, it’s time to grow up and go back to songs that mean s***. Aren’t you tired of being dumb, deaf and blind, yo?
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