Edd’s MANtra: Where’s the love, Santa?

Can’t you tell that I’m full of holiday cheer? Reminiscing about past holidays I spent with my brother put me in a foul mood.

Oh, I remember the good times – after Thanksgiving we’d make a calendar that counted down the days till Christmas, we’d spend Christmas Eve begging our mom to open at least one gift each (she’d usually cave in and do it) and you know we got NO sleep the night before – which meant on the big day we were dozing off in a pile of wrapping paper by 2 p.m.

I realize now that Christmas is really about spending quality time with family and celebrating the passing of another year, but I want my toys!

Since I’m in a mood to complain, let me share a few gifts that I always wanted but never received:

Y’all remember those late 80s pendants, don’t you? In the days before bling (do rappers even wear bling anymore?), you’d find those pendants swinging from your favorite rapper’s neck. And being an impressionable kid, I wanted one in the worst way. I remember a classmate in the fourth grade saying that she would ask her boyfriend Ronnie from New Edition to buy me one. For some odd reason that never worked out.

I never got it because: We could never find them in stores. Whenever I asked classmates where they got theirs, they could never remember. It was like some kind of secret society. I couldn’t even find a real picture of one for the blog! What was up with those things?

Galvatron

Oh, man. Transformers were to 80s kids what Lil Wayne is to kids these days (and how sad is that?). And I always wanted Galvatron, the head bad guy after Megatron got KO’d. The dude transformed into a space cannon, how could you not love that?

I never got it because: Did you not get a good look at the photo? Man, that thing looks like crap. I’m glad my mom had the foresight to refrain from spending $50 on a Thermos with legs. I guess young eyes see crap as art. Which explains Lil Wayne’s popularity.

A telescope

As a youth I was really into astronomy. I could not only name every planet, I could name all their moons (even the planets with like 20 of ’em), I could roughly tell you how far they are from the sun and I could name most constellations. Today I can’t even remember my brother’s middle name. Anyway, I thought a telescope would help me achieve my goal of becoming the Barack Obama of astronomy – or whoever would be Obama’s 80s equivalent.

I never got it because: I’m not sure. My parents certainly supported my science nerdom. Maybe telescopes were too expensive. Children never understand the concept of money – that’s why I contend that anyone who’s too young to have a W2 is too young for an iPhone.

Back to the telescope – now that I think of it, I probably wouldn’t be able to see much from my backyard except domestic violence and drug deals. So maybe it was for the best.

What gifts were on your Christmas list but were never under your tree?