Edd’s MANtra: Where’s the love, Santa?

You know, once you move away from home, start working for a living and realize how much life can suck, Christmas just isn’t as fun anymore.
Can’t you tell that I’m full of holiday cheer? Reminiscing about past holidays I spent with my brother put me in a foul mood.

Oh, I remember the good times – after Thanksgiving we’d make a calendar that counted down the days till Christmas, we’d spend Christmas Eve begging our mom to open at least one gift each (she’d usually cave in and do it) and you know we got NO sleep the night before – which meant on the big day we were dozing off in a pile of wrapping paper by 2 p.m.

I realize now that Christmas is really about spending quality time with family and celebrating the passing of another year, but I want my toys!

Since I’m in a mood to complain, let me share a few gifts that I always wanted but never received:

A leather Africa pendant

Y’all remember those late 80s pendants, don’t you? In the days before bling (do rappers even wear bling anymore?), you’d find those pendants swinging from your favorite rapper’s neck. And being an impressionable kid, I wanted one in the worst way. I remember a classmate in the fourth grade saying that she would ask her boyfriend Ronnie from New Edition to buy me one. For some odd reason that never worked out.

I never got it because: We could never find them in stores. Whenever I asked classmates where they got theirs, they could never remember. It was like some kind of secret society. I couldn’t even find a real picture of one for the blog! What was up with those things?

Galvatron

Oh, man. Transformers were to 80s kids what Lil Wayne is to kids these days (and how sad is that?). And I always wanted Galvatron, the head bad guy after Megatron got KO’d. The dude transformed into a space cannon, how could you not love that?

I never got it because: Did you not get a good look at the photo? Man, that thing looks like crap. I’m glad my mom had the foresight to refrain from spending $50 on a Thermos with legs. I guess young eyes see crap as art. Which explains Lil Wayne’s popularity.

A telescope
As a youth I was really into astronomy. I could not only name every planet, I could name all their moons (even the planets with like 20 of ‘em), I could roughly tell you how far they are from the sun and I could name most constellations. Today I can’t even remember my brother’s middle name. Anyway, I thought a telescope would help me achieve my goal of becoming the Barack Obama of astronomy – or whoever would be Obama’s 80s equivalent.

I never got it because: I’m not sure. My parents certainly supported my science nerdom. Maybe telescopes were too expensive. Children never understand the concept of money – that’s why I contend that anyone who’s too young to have a W2 is too young for an iPhone.

Back to the telescope – now that I think of it, I probably wouldn’t be able to see much from my backyard except domestic violence and drug deals. So maybe it was for the best.

What gifts were on your Christmas list but were never under your tree?

4 Comments

  1. i wanted one of those talking ALFs LOL. Also every Christmas me and my brothers searched for our gifts all of the house and even the car trunks and yes every years we found them. LOL

  2. I used to look for my gifts every year too and I always found them. But I would put them back in their hiding places and act all surprised on Christmas so my parents wouldn’t get mad. Actually the first year I found my gifts it was by accident and that’s when I knew my suspicions that there was no Santa were true. I always asked my mom how Santa got in our apartment since we had no chimney and she said they left the door unlocked. But I knew that was a lie. I mean, we lived in freaking Ensley. There was no way she was leaving the door unlocked.

  3. This might show my age but oh well lol..I always wanted one of those Barbie kid-size remote control jeeps..Oh gosh I wanted one sooo bad, and as spoiled as I was (being an only child and all I guess), that was the ONE toy I never got!

  4. I wanted one of those too! Although since I’m probably like 5 years older than you I was probably too old to be wanting that when it came out. lol

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